Tarzan

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As one hikes on – hour after hour; day after day, sometimes whimsical ideas emerge from somewhere deep inside your brain stem. Maybe the cause is hallucination. Nevertheless, here’s one that short-circuited my gray matter off and on for awhile.

If Tarzan is lookin’ he might find an opportunity or two along the AT route.

Here’s the deal. The woods are totally hung with vines – the thick strong kind that could support the Golden Gate Bridge if an organic, free range engineering solution was required. I pondered the purpose of so much excess hanging vegetation. I remembered one from the distant past.

When I was a very adolescent boy some farm kids showed me once, when we were collecting sassafras roots for tea, that you can smoke the thinest vines. I remember almost choking to death. The vines were a gateway to rabbit tobacco, which for me is, where it all thankfully ended. I think I was ten. But, I digress.

Along the trail, vines are everywhere and a most of them are going to waste. They’re unused for anything unless the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk hangs his enormous shoelaces out to dry.

So, here’s a thought. What about a string of Tarzan swings and/or vine-ripe zip lines stretching from Georgia to Maine? This is where Tarzan enters the picture – as the project engineer, of course.

Tarzan would know how to git ‘er done, as they say in the south. Hikers would love swinging hand over hand, soaring over the snow, rocks and mud at a pace faster than a good day at Six Flags. You could say goodbye to the dreaded Tyrannosaurus Rex atrophied arms that hikers develop too!

You might have to build some treehouse shelters and hostels. How cool is that? I’d love it.

If anyone knows how to get in touch with Tarzan, please let me know.

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